Thursday, May 22, 2014

21 Jokes That Only Conservatives Will Find Funny

IJ Review...It’s already been a crazy week around here, which means it’s the perfect time to take a break with a few jokes. And they’re all clean! Hope you enjoy:

#1 – Did you hear about the new Obama Diet? You let Putin eat your lunch every day.

#2 - How does Obama win the war on terror? He renames it!  Its now the overseas contingency operation.

#3 - Did you hear about the reporter who asked Obama a hard question? Neither have we!

#4 - How many democrats does it take to change a light bulb?  5! Al Gore to insure it’s a CFL, an EPA agent in case the bulb breaks and a mercury cleanup is necessary, a person to bail out the home owner, an ACORN member to ensure that the right person changed the bulb, and a member of the media to celebrate the change.

#5 - Why can’t Obama dance? Cause he has two leftist feet.

#6 - Some Republicans are saying that due to his current scandals, President Obama should be impeached. In response, Obama laughed and said, ‘Two words fellas: President Biden.’

#7 - Why won’t Obama have a turkey for Thanksgiving? Because Vice President Biden will be out of town.

#8 - Democrats and liberals always say they are smarter than conservatives. If that is true, then why do Democrats always have problems filling out a ballot?

#9 - Majority Leader Harry Reid is considering a plan for higher payroll taxes on upper-income earners to help finance health care legislation. So apparently, healthcare willl be paid for by the New York Yankees.

#10 - What do Obama and financial scam artists have in common? They both say “yes we can,” they both give hope, they both take your money, and they both will leave you penniless in the end.

#11 - Speaker Nancy Pelosi is in Shanghai to debate climate change with Chinese government officials. I think she’ll do fine. These negotiations always come down to whoever blinks first.

#12 - How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb? It’s irrelevant; they still don’t know they’re in the dark!

#13 - They say that Christopher Columbus was the first Democrat. When he left to discover America, he didn’t know where he was going. When he got there he didn’t know where he was. And it was all done on a government grant.

#14 - What do you get when you offer a liberal a penny for his thoughts? Change.

#15 - What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and government bonds? Government bonds will mature someday.

#16 - What do you call a basement full of liberals? A whine cellar.

#17 - Nancy Pelosi has now been elected the new House minority leader. She was smiling from ear to ear, which is pretty impressive considering how far her ears have been pulled back.

#18 - Joe Biden accidentally revealed the location of the Vice President’s top secret bunker. The guy can’t help it. But he did apologize. He said, “I am so sorry for the mistake. The launch code is 85334. It will never happen again. It will never happen again. My Gmail password is robot23. What am I doing? The house key is under the plant near the doorstep.”

#19 - What kind of doctor do you need to fix Obamacare? A URLologist.

#20 - What’s Obama’s new slogan in these tough times? Spare Change You Can Believe In!

#21 - Today is #CyberMonday, the day you can buy anything online. And by “anything,” I mean anything but health insurance.

H/T to Mark Scott

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