The segment was full of red berets and fake tears, as each host took their time to mock the deceased Communist dictator. First to the stage was Pat Gray, who focused on the wonder that was the healthcare system under Hugo Chavez.
“It is fitting that after making the Venezuelan healthcare system the envy of the entire planet Hugo Chavez refused to utilize it leaving more space available for the people he loved and he left a lot of space. The specialist kidney unit in Caracas has been completely empty for nearly a year. No one is there. Not a single patient. Doctors have been turning patients away ever since the hospital’s water treatment plant broke down months ago,” Pat said. “Fortunately Hugo, whom we just lost, made no one with kidney failure had to put up with a hospital with less than stellar water treatment.”
“Hugo after being diagnosed with pelvic cancer left his country repeatedly for the slightly less topnotch yet still amazing stellar medicine of Fidel Castro’s Cuba. Yet because of his commitment to global warming he refused to fly to Cuba one more time for treatment. If he just gotten one more treatment from Cuba he’d still be alive today and so would the hopes of millions in Venezuela.”
Stu then turned the floor over to Glenn, who delivered a warm, heartfelt…and mocking eulogy of the deceased communist leader.
“Venezuela, no the world, has lost a great leader, has lost a great dictator and fabulous strongman. Hugo Chavez’s fourteen year of reign of wonderful socialism and heavy-handed oppression came to an end earlier this week.
When Hugo came to power only 77% of the Venezuela’s economy was based on oil. Today it’s up to a robust 96% of the economy.In just 14 short years Hugo Chavez was able to rid Venezuela of nearly every industry other than state run oil. This as we all know allowed people more free time to relax.
Hugo seized control over the military, the judiciary, the Congress, the banking system, the aluminum industry, cement, gold, iron, farming, transportation, electricity and food production. Also the electoral council and the media. That way those who used to work in those industries would no longer have to worry at night about those responsibilities. He was able to free Venezuela from the plague of private investment which dropped 43%.”
“To reflect the changes he was making in the economy he renamed the currency, and changed it from the bolívar to the bolívar fuerte meaning the strong bolívar with the strength that the Venezuelan economy their currency only dropped 66% in value. And inflation is a mere 23% right now. But friends gathered here today think about this: had Hugo not renamed the currency can you imagine how far its value could have dropped if he wouldn’t have told everybody that it was a strong bolívar?”
“Imagine like our beloved President inherited a whopping $34 billion in debt, and he faced some head winds, but he turned that $34 billion in debt into $150 billion in debt. Which again sounds like our President can do a little better.”
“Chavez’s policies have allowed the poor more t
ouch with their families by getting away from their electrical devices and he’s accomplished this by bringing power outages and rolling blackouts to all the cities in all of the hinterlands of Venezuela. Through uncontrolled spending, ex-appropriations, price controls, monetary expansion and other beautiful tenets of socialism, Hugo helped his people do more with less.”
“Sure there have been shortages of basic goods and water rationing and blackouts. And despite nearly $1 trillion in oil revenue the nation is on the verge of collapse which will bring the opportunity for the Venezuelan people to be even closer. More togetherness for the people that he loved so dearly.”
“Through his corruption an ineptitude, Hugo was was able to oversee a massive in caress in the murder rate from 25 per 1,000 to 45.1 per 100,000 in 2011. He nearly doubled the murder rate, thus helping Venezuelans get in touch with how life is precious is. Now they don’t take a single minute, a single stroll in the park, sending their kids off to school for granted. It might be the last stroll they ever take.”
“While the rate of serious poverty in the country didn’t go down as much as it did in some of surrounding Latin American countries that practice capitalism, Chavez lowered his rate through redistribution of wealth – taking from the evil rich, confiscating their land and possessions and giving it to others. He stopped all the irritating debates about his policy by seizing control or simply shutting down the media. That’s allowed his people just to relax, slow down and enjoy some of that salsa.”
“Finally Hugo Chavez was able to warn his people about the threat. The threat that not only they face but every citizen of every country in all of mankind. He was able to warn his people from the threat from Jews. Letting Venezuelans know about the Jewish influence over the banks and allowed him to take possession of those banks during his election campaign. Against an opposition candidate, he warned his people ‘Don’t let yourself be poisoned by the wandering Jews.’ Good advice, Hugo.”
“Speaking of election Hugo took the suspense out of them by rigging them in his favor. That way his people never had to worry about losing him until today. Sadly now all of us who loved Hugo Chavez now we’ve lost him. Death was just one thing Hugo couldn’t rig, couldn’t repossess, couldn’t redistribute.”
“They’ve lost their beloved Hugo, and now so have we.”
See The Beck Video Here
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