Wild Turkey Alert!

Though hard to see here, the presidential pardon turkey has apparently violated parole. He has been spotted by the UK Guardian attempting to cross the Channel to enter Norway. This bird which is extremely sly and secretive must be approched with caution. While quite addleminded he is extremely proud and self centered. He will spend hours preening himself and listening to himself squawk. He is extremely territorial however, and will strike out at all rivals. Be Aware! He often travels with a flock of lesser birds who follow him implicitly. These Emanuelites as they are called are extremely dangerous. Approach with caution! Be wary of this bird and guard your purses ladies. He is known to travel far and wide in search of shiny objects/bling with which it feathers it's own nest and those of it's flock. One of the best ways to corral this turkey has been recently discovered however. When spoken to and cooed at in it's own "bird talk" he soon becomes sedate. Fond of his own speech and overfeeding of the same diet that he is used to, he may be easily captured. Once in custody the fowl will remain the responsibility of the new owner. Previous owners have no more use for the critter. He has a tendancy to root around and destroy all production on the premises. Being too dangerous to crops and hard to manage, we will release him into the care of a new handler. Papers are unavailable at this time.