Friday, July 13, 2012

Just Punning With You




I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx .

"The mistake of my first term - couple of years - was thinking that this job was just about getting the policy right," the president said Thursday in a sit-down interview with CBS News anchor Charlie Rose. "And that's important. But the nature of this office is also to tell a story to the American people that gives them a sense of unity and purpose and optimism, especially during tough times."





He continued, "It's funny - when I ran, everybody said, well he can give a good speech but can he actually manage the job? And in my first two years, I think the notion was, 'Well, he's been juggling and managing a lot of stuff, but where's the story that tells us where he's going?"

                                                               Read more:
Fox News

I laughed so hard I almost fell out when I heard Lil' Barry. our campaigner in chief, spouting this nonsense about "HIS STORY". It is apparently OUR FAULT for not understanding HIS great design for America. He says this after 3 yrs. of almost constant speeches, campaigning, and interviews done by a sycophantic media.
Therefore I have decided to carry on today with the theme of BAD HUMOR.
I hope that you enjoy it!

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words.


I changed my i Pod name to Titanic... It's syncing now .

When chemists die, they barium .

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran .

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid . He says he can stop
any time .

How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it .

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on
me .

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd
never met herbivore .

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity . I can't put it down .

They told me I had type A blood , but it was a Type- O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

PMS jokes aren't funny, period .

Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations .

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there's no pop quiz .

Energizer bunny arrested . Charged with battery
.


I didn't like my beard at first . Then it grew on me .

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils ?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble .

What does a clock do when it's hungry ? It goes back four seconds .

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger . Then it hit me !
Broken pencils are pointless .

I tried to catch some fog . I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary ? A thesaurus .

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest .

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx .


All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on .

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes .

Velcro - what a rip-off !

Cartoonist found dead in home . Details are sketchy .

Venison for dinner ? Oh dear !

Earthquake in Washington obviously Bush's fault .

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

Never fall in love with a tennis player because to a tennis player, love means nothing.


Stolen from Old NFO

2 comments:

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Bad humor down to the last ... Good stuff Scotty. Now beam me up.

Scottcarp Dreamer said...

Nothin' but the best of the bad for you odie...and all y'all out there. AYE AYE CAP'N!