Thursday, August 18, 2011

Don't Mess Wit' Granny


True story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer:

I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan , KS .

I asked for her driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance.

The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.

In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age)to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask if she had a weapon in her possession at this time.

She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box.

Something---body language, or the way she said it---made me want to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console.

Now I had to ask one more time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse.

I then asked her what was she so afraid of.

She looked me right in the eye and said, "Not a damn thing!"

Seniors - Don't mess with them. They didn't get old by being stupid.

H/T Hermit Jim and Gorges Smythe

The Four Horsegrannies of the Nanapocalypse



We all know the world's going to end in 2012, right? Wrong. That movie was awful. And besides, while you guys are all busy worrying about earthquakes and helicopters falling from the sky, you're leaving yourself prey to the biggest threat of them all; the old people.

Nanageddon.
Those crazy old bitches will knit your flesh into a onesie quicker than you can say Mayan Prophesy. They'll trip you with their ninja dentures and suffocate you with the Slobbery Kiss of Death before beating you to a bloody pulp with their walking sticks. And there you were thinking that they were all crippled and senile. Pfft. You wish.

The old folks have been planning their uprising since they got their bus passes. You thought your gran died of cancer? Sorry folks, she enlisted into the Nana Corps and got sent for training. You'll see her again, but unfortunately she'll probably be packing more ammo than biscuits. And she's pissed that you "inherited" her crochet needles.

So, you want proof? Just take a look at those nursing homes. All those old biddies locked up in one place, being force fed tepid soup and lukewarm tea by some cheap tart who doesn't even know who Bobby Vee is. They fought in the war, y'know. Now they're getting sponge baths from pretty-boys.

They, and their culture, demand a bit more respect. And if they don't start getting it soon they're gonna get all WWII on our asses, old skool.           From Nana

2 comments:

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Go Granny, go Granny, go Granny go!

Scott said...

"Granny Get Your Gun"---My Granny was no one to mess wit'! She would take a two by four to me just for looking at someone the wrong way. She would bale hay with the men all day and do her work at the homwstead as well.