Monday, June 30, 2014

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?...according to these folks

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it’s lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Hillary's Turn

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Obama's America: A Ship With No Rudder

I once heard someone say..."How can you impeach a (p)resident who is never there?"

Valerie Jarrett claims that she is not "Obama's spine".

George Soros is still holding his reins in one way or another.

Lil' Barry has been slapped down by the Supreme Court.

His EPA has received one ruling...after another...attempting to limit their overreach.

But this man-child's handlers still direct him to carry on with his executive tyranny.

The Imperial President Vows To Keep Violating The Constitution

Obummer holding his pen is like a monkey holding a can of cheese whiz..... both of them make nothing but a mess.

“President Obama is so out of touch with reality that he thinks a former Democrat campaign staffer speaks for every Minnesotan,” said MNGOP National Committeewoman Janet Beihoffer. “By using a former political staffer to further his argument, Pres. Obama turned a policy debate into partisan political theater. In Minnesota, we value an honest debate about the facts, not slick, choreographed stunts like this. If this is how the party of Obama, Franken, Nolan and Peterson operate there is no reason for Minnesotans to send them back to Washington.”

Hillary Clinton berated President Barack Obama as ‘incompetent and feckless' and said he had become 'a joke' after having one too many glasses of wine at a reunion dinner last year with friends from college, a new tell-all book reveals.

'When her friends asked Hillary to tell them what she thought — really thought — about the president she had served for four draining years, she lit into Obama with a passion that surprised them all,' former Newsweek editor Edward Klein writes in his book Blood Feud.

'"The thing with Obama is that he can’t be bothered and there is no hand on the tiller half the time,"' Clinton is said to have barked in her boozy rant. ‘That’s the story of the Obama presidency. No hand on the f***ing tiller.’

'"Obama has turned into a joke," she said sharply,' according to Klein.

At another point in the conversation Hillary is quoted as having said of Obama, 'You can’t trust the motherf***er'.

Read more: The Daily Mail 

Friday, June 27, 2014

The Farmer and the Skinny Dippers

Skinny Dipping Beauties

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned
a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was
properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed
it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe
courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to
go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been
there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to
bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices
shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of
young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence
and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him,
“We’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here
to watch you ladies swim naked or make you
get out of the pond naked.”

Holding the bucket up he said,
“I’m here to feed the alligator…”

Some old men can still think fast!!

H/T to Mike Miles

Thursday, June 26, 2014

I Won The State Department Green Card Lottery

Hoooraaay! I can now stay here in these United States legally and indefinitely. The State Department sent me this E-mail yesterday and I WON MY OWN GREEN CARD. I CAN GET ALL THAT FREE STUFF NOW!

Yeah, I know there is a scam here meant to convince stoopid illegals that they can buy their way to citizenship. But I Googled this and I found an actual State Department site running their "Diversity Green Card Lottery" HERE

There is also a non-governmental site HERE

There are others.

Either way...this is a blatant corruption of the immigration laws. It is being run by bureaucratic hucksters and their Democrat cronies with their own "diversity" agenda to implement.

All links have been deleted and codes scrubbed for your safety and mine!


United States Department of State,
National- visa- center32RochesterAve,

Preferences- Categories:- (DV DIVERSITY)
Foreign- StateChargeability

Dear winner,
We wish to inform you that you are among the lucky selected winners of the U.S.Green Card
Email ballot lottery program of the 2014 edition .

This e-mail ballot visa- lottery- program was innovated ON 2ND OF MAY by- USAFIS, This is the
2nd edition of the program and its designed to be held every year, the aims and objectives of
the program is to give free visa's to citizens of developing countries around the world who
wishes tot ravel to U.S and start a new life and work.

In this innovated program, no -registrations were being made or required as the program was
being conducted through computer draw system of e-mail random extractions from world wide
registered websites.

In this 2nd edition of the program, two hundred and twenty five (225) U.S- visa's were released
and 6.3 million e-mail addresses were extracted from world wide registered web-sites during
the 33days extraction period that ran for final selection, all extracted email addresses were
assigned to different ticket numbers for representation and privacy for final- selection through
computer- draw- system.

Your e-mail address attached to ticket- number (----------) drew -the lucky- number's which
subsequently won you the U.S visa and we are sending the winning- notification- directly
through the selected- winning e-mail address which means that if you receive the winning
notification in your mail box that you have been selected- among the lucky winner's.

Approximately One hundred and fifty five (155) lucky- selected- winner's had been notified
through their selected e-mail addresses- including you today.Note that there will be free job for all
the winner

Your visa- winning -identification- Case -number is (FRC----------) Note that your visa
winning identification Case number is your PIN CODE to claiming your visa.


Any -selected- lucky- winner from the some countries will be disqualified, this is because each
has more than 50,000 candidates in the U.S:-

Basic- question.

How can I make the claim of my visa?

You will obtain your visa through the- U.S Consular officer in your home country or country of
your present residence and note that the U.S Consular officer in your home country or country
of your present residence will not attend to you without your processed documents of which to
access your visa winnings through their network database.

Our visa processing agents had been apportioned among six geographic regions, all selected
lucky winner's will need to act on their claims applications quickly before the visa claim
expiration deadline(15thJuly 2014)


N.B: Processing Fee.

Single- us$890

Dual- us$1,420

How can I pay the processing fee?
The following forms of payment are accepted:western Union Money transfer.
Money Gram.
Bank transfer.

All the selected -lucky -winner's will get free air tickets to the U.S.Your air ticket will be send to
you by our Asia/pacific /Middle East agent together with your processed documents.

Please read and follow all the enclosed instructions very carefully.
Do not reply back to this notification e- mail (busy)
For further inquiries;
Contact our Asia/pacific agent where your visa winning details falls.

Sincerely yours,
Mr. Tony Brooke
Secretary General US Consulate Kentucky


EPA Employees Told to Stop Pooping in the Hallway

Environmental Protection Agency workers have done some odd things recently.

Contractors built secret man caves in an EPA warehouse, an employee pretended to work for the CIA to get unlimited vacations and one worker even spent most of his time on the clock looking at pornography.

It appears, however, that a regional office has reached a new low: Management for Region 8 in Denver, Colo., wrote an email earlier this year to all staff in the area pleading with them to stop inappropriate bathroom behavior, including defecating in the hallway.

In the email, obtained by Government Executive, Deputy Regional Administrator Howard Cantor mentioned “several incidents” in the building, including clogging the toilets with paper towels and “an individual placing feces in the hallway” outside the restroom.

Confounded by what to make of this occurrence, EPA management “consulted” with workplace violence “national expert” John Nicoletti, who said that hallway feces is in fact a health and safety risk. He added the behavior was “very dangerous” and the individuals responsible would “probably escalate” their actions.

EPA spokesman Richard Mylott provided the following statement:“Management is taking this situation very seriously and will take whatever actions are necessary to identify and prosecute these individuals,” Cantor wrote. He asked for any employees with knowledge of the poop bandit or bandits to notify their supervisor.

“EPA cannot comment on ongoing personnel matters. EPA’s actions in response to recent workplace issues have been deliberate and have focused on ensuring a safe work environment for our employees. Our brief consultation with Dr. Nicoletti on this matter, a resource who regularly provides our office with training and expertise on workplace issues, reflects our commitment to securing a safe workplace.”

EPA appeals to its workers not to poop in the hallway  Some ironies are just too perfect to ignore...

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Student Group Demands..."The Lunatic Left Diversity Gulag"

When it comes to anti-American brainwashing on college campuses, no matter how far they push the envelope, someone will want to push it further still:
A liberal group at the University of Minnesota (U of M) has ordered the school to admit it is a product of the evil actions of colonial Americans and must fundamentally alter its structure to make it up to marginalized communities.
“We demand an acknowledgement that the university exists as a product of colonialistic processes,” states the official website for the group, which calls itself “Whose Diversity?”

The militant moonbats have compiled a list of demanded changes intended to right the wrong of our civilization’s existence.
The list of changes gives the school two years to have at least two “faculty members of color” in every single department who are “engaging in critical race and ethnic studies scholarship with a social justice emphasis.” It also demands that students with “historically marginalized backgrounds” have the opportunity to be involved in hiring these faculty.
That is, every department, from physics to Slavic languages, must orient itself around the liberal worship of certain groups that are revered for their lack of achievement.
In the age of ObamaCare, not even medicine escapes from the lunacy:
Further demands include hiring more “medical providers of historically marginalized identities whose work is rooted in social justice [i.e., race-based Marxism]” and increasing the number of “non-white” students to meet very specific proportions.
According to liberal ideology, a university’s central purpose is to marginalize white people and their evil civilization with the ultimate goal of eradicating both entirely. Only then can oppressed noble savages return to the opulent utopias they inhabited before Europe inflicted modern civilization on the world.
But it wouldn’t be fair to dismiss liberalism as being all about hating the white man and his achievements. It is also about promoting sexual deviancy:
In terms of “restructuring curriculum,” the group orders the school to force every student to take at least one course on “gender non-conforming issues,” and offer “substantially more” courses on “marginalized peoples.”
“Marginalized peoples” consist of any peoples normal Americans can be marginalized in favor of.
Another demand is for the police to stop mentioning race in crime alerts. Public safety is a small price to pay for ideological purity.
Over 700 students, faculty, and alumni have endorsed the list of lunatic demands. Some version of the list is likely to be inflicted.
When you go into years of debt for a college education that need only cost a small fraction of what you pay for it, you are propping up the insane asylum that produces stories like this one.

H/T to Moonbattery