Friday, November 4, 2011

Occubaggers Are Real Occupussies


It is imperative that we - the battle-hardened Bolshevik comrades, all survivors and active participants of riots, revolutions, purges, and show trials - urgently teach some strong communism to the liberal weaklings at"Occupy WSJ"!

Use this thread to post short and vigorous samples of korrekt revolutionary writing for the young Occupussies™ ** to learn from. If you can't think of anything original, don't hesitate to rip off your comrades on existing threads. And by all means, use our vast archives - the ultimate hive mind of the prog community!


Meow's primer for REVOLUTIONARIES not wanting to be OCCUPUSSIES

First and foremost, you must always be seen reading. It is important to be seen reading -- even if you are not really reading -- so that our crackpot ideas are given intellectual legitimacy based on our own intellectual appearance. Buy some books, maybe a few newspapers (of the left-wing variety), and be photographed with them in a setting like an office, a library, or a revolutionary hideout.

My hideout was the back table, the very far back table near the bathrooms, at our local McDonald's. Many inspiring revolutionary photographs of me looking like I was reading were taken at that most sacred of McDonald's. Many were convinced of my intellectual superiority at that McDonald's -- so much so, in fact, that the oppressed workers fed me free fries as a homage to my awesomeness and for organizing them into a revolutionary force to create even more free food! That could be you someday.

It is important to have a distinctive look that goes well with your stacks of reading material that you are to be photographed “reading”. Facial hair, distinctive glasses, and your choice of peasant clothing, a three piece suit, or fatigues will be made available to you in order to complete your look. Remember: designer clothing and expensive tastes COMES AFTER you have taken control of the government, liquidated the opposition, and become full blown Politburo members with your own bureaucratic fiefdoms. Don’t let us catch you wearing Calvin Klein jeans and a Hurley skull cap while you are mingling with the masses in the initial stage of bloody class warfare. Wearing such bourgeois mishmash can only mean you are an OCCUPUSSY and not a member of an intellectual revolutionary vanguard.

We don’t tree hug, you pansies. If anything we saw down trees in order to construct good battering rams in which to crash down the gates of the Tsar’s Winter Palace. What is it with this Earth Mother shit anyways? Haven’t any of you little pukes ever heard of a good scorched Earth policy? Crash the gate and raise the red banner of revolutionary glory! If banner raising is not your bag, like me, find some idiots who you have no attachment to whatsoever to do the job for you. A proper revolutionary never does his/her own “activism” since the proper revolutionary knows that survival is the first step towards becoming a well-heeled member of the ruling vanguard.

There are no revolutionary villains since all revolutionaries are HEROS. Sure, some good people were lost, some eggs were broken, some populations were relocated en masse to colder climates -- but still, it was FOR A GOOD CAUSE. The true revolutionary always knows how to come out as the hero and knows how to make a very, very dramatic appearance. Once you achieve Politburo status, a team of Hollywood producers, directors, and writers will whitewash your pocked-marked face, your short stature, and transform you into the hero that you knew you always were! This is the HARD COMMUNIST WAY and not the OCCUPUSSY way. We don’t do unwashed heroes sitting around drum circles. No, we do heroic GENERALISSIMOS!

Somehow this guy doesn't seem to fit the bill, but he did get the Hitler hair right!

See the next post below for Breaking News from The Peoples Cube.

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